Sing Song Time!

I can still feel my heart beating

But soon I’ll be in my grave

My memories of you

Have slowly began to fade

The rust of our love

Has began to build

In another month or two

And I’ll be out of this living hell

It seems you don’t notice

That I was your friend

It seems you don’t notice

That we’ve hit our end

Your scent still lingers

In my room to this day

But I got a fan

That will be blowing it all away

I never meant to hurt you

But you turned and ran

Left me here alone

With worries in my hands

I wish that you’d know

I wrote you this song

But you won’t talk to me

For the wrong that I’ve done

The Fire.

Burns deep in me.

Every passing day the flame dims.

But I still carry the fire.

It's my burden, my task, my purpose.

My only fear is that you don't realize this.

My flame is beginning to branch.

Leaving you a mere memory of my past.

My eyes and heart begin to wander from you.

As much as it hurts me, this is the way it must be.

I hope someday my fire will guide you back home.

But if not, then I wish you the best.

Ryan Adams

So, I'm actually going to try turning this piece of crap into something with a purpose. This means that I'm actually going to need to write and post things on a more regular basis, so here I go.

Lately I've been kind of bummed about new music, I haven't really found anything new that I like. This is why I've gone back to Ryan Adams. I've always had a slight obsession with his music, even though many of my peers find him a little bit too mellow or not enough country for them, I find him to be the perfect blend between country, rock, and folk. His last album, Cardinology, is far from his best, actually it's probably my least favorite. To get a real feel for who Ryan Adams is you have to go a little bit further back.

For anyone who doesn't know much about Ryan Adams you first have to go back to his days with Whiskeytown. When Adams was part of this group there was a little bit more of a country influence that his later solo material, and kept a slower tempo as well. This was where Ryan Adams began to gain attention from labels, getting signed to Lost Highway Records.

Adams then began producing his own solo material, which is where it gets good in my opinion. His first solo release was "Heartbreaker," a perfect blend of fast passed songs as well as heart felt numbers about his latest break up. It's really hard not to relate with some of his lyrics personally if you've ever been through the living hell that is a break up. With lyrics like;

I wish you would
Come pick me up
Take me out
Fuck me up
Steal my records
Screw all my friends behind my back
With a smile on your face
And then do it again
I wish you would

You really get the whole feeling what drove Adams to write this album. It's something I've personally related to before, and hearing a song nailing your exact feeling of self loathing can really make you happy, in a sad pitiful way.The best way for me to describe these songs is that he sings the hurt. But if self loathing isn't really your thing, there are still a few numbers on this album that makes for an interesting twist. "To be Young" is a fast passed jam about being young, doing drugs, and getting your heart broken. Sounds rather depressing, but the upbeat melody blended with Adams singing, gives off the impression of the complete lack of caring in the younger years of life. The time where we're all trying to find exactly who we are in the world. It's a strong tune that kicks the album off with a clear statement. "Heartbreaker" is probably the best solo album that Adams has produced in my opinion. Not to say he hasn't released anything since that was good, just that this was a very emotional record that was crafted perfectly.

Since "Heartbreaker" Adams has released several albums that have varied in quality. His last big hit in my book was when he reunited with his backing band "The Cardinals" and released "Cold Roses." This two disc album really covers the whole spectrum in tempo, from sad acoustic ballads, to bar band jams such as "Beautiful Sorta." By using a full band rather than going his solo route, Adams produces what I'd call his best work. It doesn't have the same emotion as "heartbreaker," but the variety of songs and depth that they have is truly astounding.

Well that about sums up my Ryan Adams rant. Go listen to him, give him a chance. You like country, you should like him, you like rock, you should like him. He fits in lots of places, but somehow always gets overlooked.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvIRk8wvC_A

Me and My Darker Half

I have a tendency to make my life a living hell from time to time. I'm not sure why exactly I do this, whether it be to feel alive still if I feel my life is getting too bland, or if I'm honestly just that dumb. Nevertheless I do these things, and I always end up learning more about myself and my impact on others during these times than any other time. It just always amazes me how much I learn from being a total asshole. Everyone turns on you and you're on your own for awhile and you learn how to survive without anyone, and then everyone likes you again for being independent. Which is fine with me, a bit odd in my book, but still I guess I'd rather not die alone.
Still I wish there was a way I could go through this whole "finding myself" process without fucking up everyone's life. I mean I don't really do it on purpose, it's kind of subconscious, but still I'm aware of what I'm doing at the same time.
Eh.
Life's a mystery that I'm never going to crack.

& I Don't Even Know Where to Start.

OR



OR

Someone could be cool and plant a money tree in my backyard.

I hate decisions.

Crystal Castles and Other Pre-Adulthood Crisis'

Does anyone else have the issue where they don't know where they are in life at all. I mean, given I'm only 19 and still in college, but really, not feeling like I'm doing too much with my life at the moment. Kind of a lazy, borderline pointless existence. That's a pretty bleak way of putting it, but it's what I feel. Then again it might have to do with the music I've been listening to. I wonder if there is a study out there on how different types of music effect your moods.

If that is the case Crystal Castles probably isn't helping me too much. Although I have taken an unusual liking to them for a dance band. I'm like a crack head is to coke when it comes to synthesizers. Which is kind of an embarrassing thing to admit given the fact that I'm fairly well educated musically. And I know that synthesizers are easily the cheapest instrument that get kids all worked up. But that the same time I can at least say they're being used differently now than how they used to be back in the 80's.

Meh whatever. Even though I hate this feeling it's kind of a love hate relationship. I mean I don't really enjoy being all moody and depressed, but I do enjoy the abstract thinking it can bring on. It's hard to explain. Actually it's totally impossible to explain. It's kind of like my brain turns into pancake batter and I start seeing things for what they are without any opinion on it. Like my brain just absorbs it, but doesn't process it and take opinion. I know, Devin's on drugs. Well not really. I probably just have some sort of chemical imbalance in me which would require a doctor to actually listen to me for five minutes rather than prescribe me to ambien/lunesta/whatever the hell is in the little box sitting next to me... Rozerem? It's suppose to reset my binary clock. Spleeping pills and this is suppose to fix me. BUT sleeping pills have stopped working on me and my mom really hates me taking them anyways so they randomly disappear from time to time.

Shit. I'm going to go listen to more Crystal Castles and not sleep.


It's kind of weird thinking the girl in this band was born in 1988. Like I was born in 1989... Damn, I'm really doing nothing with my life.

Why? WHY WHY WHY?!

Why does Obama take so much crap from pro-life groups? I mean okay, obviously Obama is pro-choice and yeah yeah yeah bad Obama he's an evil liberal. That's not what I'm hear to talk... or question about. Okay, so Obama is bad because he's pro-choice, but Bush was good because he was pro-life. But let me check me records... oh what's this? Throughout all eight years of Bush's administration you could get an abortion? Wait what the? and Bush wasn't the bad man Obama is? I mean Bush only took away our constitutional rights that were given to us by our forefathers with the Patriot Act so it's not like he could have managed to ban abortion as well, that would be over doing it. I mean Bush didn't even do anything about abortion. and it's not like the Obama administration is going around knocking on pregnant womens doors soliciting abortions. So what makes them different? Neither is pushing a policy, so on the politic field they're equals. Ideologically, well they're polar opposites. But lucky for us the government is run based solely on one persons ideology, hence congress. So what the heck conservative America? Aren't there evil doer's that we need to smoke out of their holes? Or is it now that Yosemite Sam is out of office we need to stop focusing on National Security and start focusing on every single flaw Obama has, even if it is totally irrelevant to what has happened to this country in the past eight years? I mean the economy is crap, but we'd rather yell at Obama over his personal opinion which effects us in no way, shape, or form. Smart. It's okay to spend 1.5 million dollars on a rocket to blow up an apartment complex that "might" have a terrorist somewhere in it, but it's not okay to abort a baby in order to save a child that will be brought into the world unwanted?

I mean honestly I'm liberal, and that's never changing. But I definitely try to see things from the other side and it's not clicking here. Same thing with gay marriage. Well the Bible says.... Well the Constitution says... I mean really. It's the first sentence in the First Amendment of the thing. No matter how ADD you are you can make it through the first sentence of the First Amendment. CONGRESS SHALL MAKE NO LAW RESPECTING AN ESTABLISHMENT OF RELIGION.

Well... there goes that whole the Bible says argument. People that are fighting gay marriage are going to be looked back on the same as the way we look back on the people protesting against the Civil Rights Movement. I'm sorry to say it but it's true. It's a movement that is building momentum and it'll only be so long before we look back going... and why were they protesting this?

I mean really. Am I the only person that hears Fox news and starts to feel like I'm going to have a brain aneurysm? They spend more time Obama bashing than actually giving me news. I mean have some journalistic decency, it's not like CNN sat there taking shot at Bush for eight years, you have to give them sort of a chance. I just don't get it anymore. I'm a man who's country is in chaos, and there seems to be no understanding in either side.

Old Abe said it best, "A house divided against itself cannot stand."